Emergency in the office
by Jefo
Summary: Riza is pregnant. Roy is the father. Riza suddenly goes into labor in the office and now everyone is freaking out, and the one asked to deliver the baby is Falman. Rated for some language and some child birth details.


Rated for language and some child birth details

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist the anime/ the mangas/ the novels/ everything else.

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"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! OOOHH, AAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Riza's painful agonizing screams could be heard echoing through-out the halls of Centrals military building.

When the screams first started, everyone who heard instantly thought that someone was being killed. When officers ran towards Roy Mustang's office to investigate the screams, they were met by Mustang himself, bursting out the doors of his office and yelling at them not to come in and to get a doctor immediately.

From the tone in Mustangs voice and his request to get a doctor, the officers already knew what that meant. Riza was having the baby- Now!

Though pregnant and very close to the- supposed- delivery date, Riza still came to work to make sure that her commanding officer/ husband wasn't slacking off on paper work. Apparently, no one seemed to mind her being there. Even though she had a watermelon for a belly she seemed perfectly normal and fine. It wasn't until her water broke and her suddenly whimpering in pain when everyone started to freak out and panic.

And just his luck- Ed decided to visit that day.

Now, there in the office, Riza was laying on top of Mustang's desk. Pants and underwear off, legs spread for the world to see, both hands forcefully gripping the hands of Ed and Mustang, screaming her head off.

Havoc and Breda were backed against one of the corners of the office, staring frightfully at Riza's open legs as if it were some wild animal getting ready to attack.

Fuery was wobbling somewhere by one of the walls, eyes looking away from Riza, and looking like he was going to be sick.

Ed was kneeling on the floor, whimpering and crying from the tight grip Riza had over his hand. He could have sworn he heard a bone crack.

Falman was standing right in front of the screaming Riza's open legs. Stiff and even paler then he already was. The poor man looked like he could just pass out any second. Falman was ordered by Mustang to deliver his child, even though he told him that he had absolutely no experience with this sort of thing.

And because those officers were taking so long to bring them a doctor, Mustang took the phone and called Hughes, yelling at him about the situation and to bring a doctor as soon as possible.

Ed looked up at Mustang's face through watery eyes. Apparently Mustang wasn't being affected at all by Riza's death grip.

Ed went to remove his hand from Riza's, but then she squeezed harder and growled "You. Stay. Here!"

And in a whiney voice, Ed replied "okay….."

Riza threw her head back and let out another scream. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"Falman!" Mustang yelled.

"I-I don't know what to do." Small tears formed by Falman's eyes as he looked at Mustang.

Mustang was doing his best to calm and comfort his wife, but all he got in return was an angry death glare and a loud yell. "Shut up and let me concentrate- AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

"What the fuck do we do! WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO!" Breda shouted as he shook Havoc back and forth.

Havoc smacked Breda's hands away and yelled "HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW! STOP YELLING AT ME!"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Everyone went silent. That was the first time any of them ever heard Riza swear like that.

Another scream erupted in the room but this time it wasn't from Riza, it was Ed.

Mustang looked down at Ed. "What are you screaming for?"

All Ed could manage was a small soft "aahh"

Then Riza started to make noises again. "Nnnnnnnn…"

Fuery suddenly decided to look towards her. He immediately went pale. "What-what… what is that." He pointed.

Falman and everyone else- except for Ed who was wallowing in his own pain- looked towards the area that Fuery was pointing at- which of course was between Riza's legs.

Something that looked like black hair was coming out of the opening between her legs.

"Wha-wha- bler…" Havoc quickly turned around and started throwing up.

Fuery's eyes rolled up and he dropped where he stood.

"Nnnnnn- AAAAAHHHHH!"

"Falman!" Mustang yelled.

Falman brought his hands up as if he was about to grab something and moved around confusingly. "Wha- do I… I don't… am I supposed to grab it with my hands? What do I do?"

"Use your jacket!" Mustang shouted.

Falman quickly removed his jacket and held it out. "Now what?"

"Catch the baby when it comes out!" was Mustang's reply.

"AAAAAHHHH- hnnnnnn…"

"That's it Riza." Mustang encouraged. "Push, baby, push."

Riza glared again and said through clenched teeth. "Roy… don't make me tell you again."

Mustang quickly stood straight. "Right. I'll shut up."

"Oh my g- what!" Breda said.

Havoc wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and looked.

Falman's whole body went half limp. "It's-it's… a head."

Havoc once again turned to vomit and this time Breda joined him.

Falman was being both disgusted with the sight in front of him and the gagging noises coming from behind him.

I'd better be getting a raise for this. Falman thought.

Riza pushed again. The baby's wails could be heard throughout the room.

Roy looked at his child who was half way out. His expression was a mixture of excitement and happiness as he softly squeezed Riza's hand with his own numb one.

Havoc stood up straight while breathing hard, before collapsing to the floor. Breda went to catch his friend, but missed.

Then, after a final push, the baby was completely out. Falman held the child in his jacket.

Breda glanced at the child and saw that some thick fleshy string was linking the baby to Riza. Breda went to throw up again but instead his legs gave out and he fell right beside Havoc's body.

Falman stared at the crying baby boy he held in his hands. The child was cute- of course it was, it was Roy's and Riza's after all. Yes, the baby was cute but Falman couldn't help but be disgusted with the fluids that escaped Riza and the baby who was now slightly covered in it.

The urge to vomit that he had been holding in this whole time was now starting to bubble up in his throat.

Ed had passed out half way through the birth. His body looked like a limp puppet who was just being held by a string by the hand. Riza let Ed's hand go and Ed landed on the ground with a Thump!

Roy took his child from Falman and severed the cord as he took his own jacket off and covered Riza's lower half.

Riza looked up at Falman and smiled "Thank you."

Falman was still. He had not moved since the child had arrived in his hands.

"Falman?" Mustang said.

And like a stiff statue, Falman slowly tipped to the side and fell to the floor.

"ROY! We're here!" Hughes burst through the doors and quickly rushed in, then suddenly stopped.

Followed behind him were Dr. Marcho and Al.

Roy and Riza didn't seem to notice them at all as they were engrossed by the presence of their new born son.

"Brother!" Al ran to his brother's body.

"Well… it seems I'm not needed anymore." Marcho said.

Hughes looked down at all the passed out bodies scattered across the room. "No." he said "I think you are."

After that horrifying night, Breda, Havoc, Fuery, and Falman never looked at a woman the same way again.

And Ed was forever afraid of Riza.

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I've never seen a kid being born in real life. I just know what I've seen on tv and in movies.


End file.
